Night after night of endless days, sleep was not to be found.
As weeks turned to months, survival was a broken fantasy.
Dumb founded doctors collected their fees, just to send me away with their best educated guess – Malignant Insomnia.
Maybe death would be a welcomed reward after all.
Had I lost my mind?
Worn with a face unrecognizable, loved ones detached themselves from the stranger I had become. The pain of separation added agony to the hellish disease. I was wake, afraid and alone.
Death was no longer a question of maybe, it was a matter of when.
Familiar spirits seduced my mind; clearly not those of the Holy One. Fabricating my own finite slumber hovered temptation. Sleep was all I wanted, and the devil almost won.
I had lost my mind.
Fight. Never give in. Fight for life, fight for family…fight for the Word’s sake! This was nothing I could do on my own; it was a battle Jesus had victoriously won. Trust Him or die, were my only two options.
In desperation I searched deep unto God, seeking his voice through the daze. I grasped on to prophecies which had been spoken, that had not come to fruition. Words filled with powerful life and hope! God touched my brittle heart in the depths of the darkness, where I had lost all trust in mankind.
As my mind was renewed through the engrafting of God’s word, doubt and fear faded; being replaced with faith in things still unseen.
As the end of the fifth month of eyes wide open, family gathered to tell their unspoken goodbyes. With them as a witness, sleep came for just a moment. It was all that was needed to see the grand picture of things to come.
As the days progressed, so did the welcomed slumber.
Fourteen years have now passed and there are no concrete answers. No human explanation. God kept me alive is the only fact man has, that and the surety that the best is yet to come.