Mercy In Disguise

Night after night of endless days, sleep was not to be found.

Had I lost my mind?

As days turned to weeks, then slowly to months, all hope of survival had become a distant mirage.

Dumb founded doctors collected their fees, only to send me home with their best guess – Malignant Insomnia. Maybe death would be a welcomed reward after all…

Had I lost my mind?

Worn with a face unrecognizable, loved ones distanced themselves from the stranger I had become. The pain of separation adding agony to the hellish disease.

Death was no longer a maybe, but rather a question of time.

Had I lost my mind?

Familiar spirits clouded and seduced me; clearly not those of the Holy One. I struggled with the temptation of taking my own finite slumber. Sleep was all I wanted and the devil almost won.

I had lost my mind.

Fight. Never give in. Fight for life, fight for family…fight for the Word’s sake! It was nothing I could do on my own; it was a battle Jesus had already victoriously won. Trust Him or die, those were my only options.  In desperation I dug deep into God, who spoke through the daze, reminding me of prophecies that had not yet come to fruition. Words filled with power and hope! God touched my brittle heart in the depths of darkness, where I had lost all trust in man.

As my mind became renewed through the engrafting of God’s word, doubt and fear slowly faded, being replaced with faith in things still unseen.

As the end of the fifth month approached, family gathered to say their unspoken goodbyes. With them as a witness, sleep came for just a brief moment. A minute, the size of a man’s hand, was all that was needed to see the grand picture of things to come.

As the days progressed, so did the welcomed slumber.

Fourteen years have now passed and there are no concrete answers. No human explanation. God kept me alive is the only fact man has, that and my surety that the best is yet to come.


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